Late Night Ramblings

Hi all!

I just wanted to remind you about my upcoming performances with Vpstart Crow in Manassas, VA.  If any of you are in the area and would love to come, I’d love to see you there.  Our pay what you can preview is tonight, Thursday, July 13, 2006 at 8pm, and we open tomorrow night. 

Either way, I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer!

Anne of the Thousand Days Opens July 14

Why is it that sometimes, we find ourselves having to cope with someone else’s fortune?  Why is it so hard to live in the present sometimes, even when we know the past didn’t make much sense in the first place? 

Life throws me a curve ball sometimes.  This time, I’ve seen it coming for months, and I still didn’t realize how impossible it would be to prepare for it.  Past events have led me to a place in my life where my desires don’t match my beliefs and where I’m not even sure which beliefs I can call my own.

It’s hard to like yourself all of the time when you don’t know what to believe in anymore.  I admire my own strength, and I’m grateful for the patience, grace, and strength God has given me over the past few years.  Dare I say I’ve made all of the right choices in my life?  Never - but, oh I wish to God that I had! 

"What on earth is this post about?" you ask.  Not regret as much as loss.  At this point, may be for once, I’m even a bit at a loss for words.

"This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held" - Natalie Grant - Held

Oh, and if you’re wondering, things are going very well in the present despite my lingering on the past.  New job at Mimi’s, and my play opens this week - some nice new friends too. 

Che sara, sara, right?

Happy Summer!!!!! 

The things that keep my world spinning around: good friends, family, God, performing, and - summer!!!  Woohoo!!

Happy Summer, everybody!

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Well, it’s official.  Since I started sleeping as often as possible to purge myself of this virus I have, my body no longer knows what time zone to expect from me.  So, here we are at 3am discussing Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton?  Yes, that’s right.  I was driving back from a night in Manhattan last week when I heard her new !song! on the radio, complete with the program manager from Z100 explaining her decision to play the song.  Of course, they all fully admitted they edited the song "a lot" to get it to its current state of - um, quality.  If you’re curious, you can play it on (where else?) www.parishilton.com.  You can even check out her new video there.  Of course I was curious, but she does nothing but practically have sex with a hunky guy on the beach.  I think my favorite line is, "If you show me real love, baby, I’ll show you mine."  Ha ha ha.  Classic Paris Hilton. 

Why am I talking about this?  Well, the Z100 DJ’s brought up a very interesting question.  Would this song play on the radio if she were just some random girl from Oklahoma?  Her new single didn’t make me vomit, but it wasn’t exactly the best piece of music I’ve ever heard. 

Of course not!  It is interesting though, living in America, where the poor really do get poorer and further in debt.  As nice as it would be to "make it big" someday and have the ability to buy my dad his dreamboat (sailboat, that is) one Father’s Day, right now I’m working toward the goal, living in a house with 4 other people and getting - that’s right - further in debt and my master’s degree. 

As for Paris, it would seem that the rich and famous have nothing better to do but to find ways to make them even more rich and famous.  We all know she’s not a singer, but she sure does know how to keep getting attention, doesn’t she?

And by the way, I do like my pipe dream and the way I have to work to try to achieve it.  I am performing, and I know I can sing.  ;)  As for my popular listening choices, I think I’ll stick to Christina Aguilera’s new single - "Ain’t No Other Man."  It’s much more fun - and with a girl who can sing and worked hard to get there at a young age.  Good for her - and even for me, despite my smaller fan base. 

Okay, here it goes - a little brutal honesty . . .

What do you do, step by step, as it hits you that someone you once believed was your soulmate is really, truly getting married?

Thank God you missed a speeding bullet?  Mourn whatever it was you may have had together?  Move on - again?  Spend some time alone?  Focus on your career?  Surround yourself with friends?  Buy a gift (not too likely)?  Be thankful that even though you’re alone, you’re healthy, beautiful, talented, and no longer the victim of lies and deceit? 

Sounds about right.  Here’s to July 22nd, my friends.  May be I should throw a party . . .

Isn’t it a funny thing when life gives you too little and too much, all at the same time? 

I have to say, I love my chosen career field, but whew!  This poverty thing does get rather old, rather quickly.  Might I add, by the way, that it’s incredibly frustrating to almost never fully have the opportunity to focus on the moment?  Whenever you’re in the middle of one study or one gig, you’re always studying, preparing, or searching and auditioning for the next thing to hopefully come along. 

As if that weren’t frustrating enough, I have this incourageable habit of dipping my hands into too many bowls at once.  I love too many things to give any of them up!

In the middle of it all, what do you do when a friendship you once cherished gets ripped away from you because of someone you don’t even know?

In the words of Dory (aka Ellen) from Finding Nemo:

Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you’ve gotta do?

Marlin: No I don’t wanna know.

Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.

Marlin: Dory, no singing.

Dory: [continuing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim.

I do love to swim, after all. . .  and sing. 

I meant to "blog" on Friday but have been so preoccupied that I almost forgot!

On Friday, my friends and I sang for the Washington Arts Club in DC and had a nice little lunch with the folks who attended.  Our host for the event, Mr. (I forget his first name!) Matis, was a man in his very early sixties who had recently retired.  He spends most of his time substituting for a Christian school and really enjoys working with the kids.  Moreover, he used the word "myopic" in conversation.  I don’t think anyone has ever actually used that word in conversation with me.

Anyway, he mentioned two very interesting things I just had to pass along, before I forgot. 

He said that finally, at about 55 or 60, he had just begun to settle down and relax.  I wonder if I’ll have to wait that long!

Most strikingly, he asked me how old I was.  When I told him I’d be 28 this summer, he asked himself what he would give up to be 28 again.  His investments, everything he had - he said he would give it all up to be 28.

Perhaps it’s time I just sit back and relax long enough to realize how great it is to be right here, right now, at my age.  Okay, so I need a job for the summer, in a big way.  Otherwise, everything else is right where it should be, and so am I.  :) 

Oh, and by the way, you want to know my coolest project right now?  I’m totally "geeking it out."  I’ve been writing this paper on a friend of mine who’s a pioneer in the field of visual music, and I’ve been led back and forth on this trek through synaesthesia, all the way back to Olivier Messiaen.  If you don’t know what synaesthesia is, check it out on wikipedia for now - it’s pretty amazing.  If you want to wait that long, I may just end up publishing the thing (we’ll see - shh!).  I’ll keep you posted. 

Okay, so I’m in a serious slump, and I can’t seem to get out of it!

With all of the auditions, concerts, coachings, classes, masterclasses, papers, I suppose now is not a good time to get out of the serious slump, but boy, what I wouldn’t give for some good roller coasters and puddle jumping!

Any suggestions for a cure are most welcome. 

May be I should just do some hang gliding this summer.  Hmm…