Late Night Ramblings

Apparently, I’m on a blogging kick, which is a bit of a feat in and of itself, since I don’t have Internet access at my house.  I love generous people in large neighborhoods who don’t password protect their wireless networks.  :) 

I’ve had a bit of time lately driving all over the Mid-Atlantic region for Thanksgiving and auditions, and I’ve been thinking about friends and how great they are. 

Real friends

-Admit they need you from time to time

-Are there for you when you truly need them

-Share the ugliest parts of themselves and yourself, as well as the most beautiful things the world and you both have to offer

-Communicate - honestly

-Call about the stupid little things because they think of you in their normal life

-Never stifling, happily catch up when time has passed, but never abandon you in a time of need

-Listen and share

-Challenge you while encouraging the things that make you you

-Never posess

-Try not to push too hard, even if they’re right

-Never abuse

-Never give up

-Never lie

My real friends are my family.  I’m amazed at how many of them I have.  I need you, I love you, and I wouldn’t want to live life without your presence, your perspectives, and your love.  I spent some time talking to a very real friend the other day who reminded me how much of a better person I am for the beautiful people in my life.  Thank you.

Lessons quickly learned at a reunion:

1. Don’t buy a stranger a drink.

2. It’s always incredibly possible that the folks you hoped might show up will.

3. There’s nothing wrong with dancing and having a great time with a fun girl to keep the creepy guys off.

4.  The bartender at Posh makes the best Red Death I’ve ever had.

5.  Good friends know how to drive your car home.  :)  Thanks, Lou. 

And thanks to Amy, Kelly, and Chris, who seemed to be the ones responsible for my good time tonight.  :)  Love you guys.   Let’s not wait another 10 years.

Turkey for you, turkey for me, right (Adam Sandler on YouTube)?

Well, this Thanksgiving was wonderful, except for the fact that now I can’t sleep.  I guess that’s what happens when you stay up until 4:30am the night before trying to finish a jazz theory assignment and pack.  Go figure.

Anyway, I had a great time with my family and my adorable niece and nephew, and it’s great to be home.  Tomorrow, we have a mini ten year reunion for my high school, so perhaps I’m just reflecting too much.  In the meantime, I suppose I can use this time to catch up a little. 

Our opera, Don Giovanni, went smashingly well, and we managed to basically fill the house on our closing night, which has never happened before for a fall opera, since they tend to be quite minimalist.  Many thanks to all of my friends, family, and colleagues who managed to find their way out to see our production - hopefully you found it as much of a success as did our Washington Post reviewer.

Personally, I had a wonderful time and learned a lot more than I even expected, about performing, myself, and life in general.  I’ve become so used to adapting to situations and people that I had almost forgotten the sensation of fully existing as myself, honestly and fully.

Why do we decide to mask ourselves rather than letting the world see us as we truly are?  Is it because we’re afraid of the way others judge us, the possibility of sticking out, or the desire to communicate more clearly or put others at ease?  Although I’m sure all of those concerns apply, I often find that my own fears are driven more by my inaccurate and unfair judgments of myself.  After all, who can accurately judge me when I’m too busy cowering behind the disguise created by insecurity?

This Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for the chance I had to spend a few days with a good friend who made me feel much more like myself; yet still as I sit up at night, I’m comparing myself to someone else, feeling less intelligent, less elegant, and less "worthy." 

Clearly, we’re all different.  When did we learn to stop embracing those differences and start trying to fit in?  When did I start to believe that my differences made me a lesser person? 

I think it’s time for me to be thankful of my quirks, differences, and idiosyncrasies.  Perhaps I’ll even find a way to celebrate them tomorrow - at my small reunion.  Here’s to the complexity of living in simple honesty.